It really sucks not having a laptop. Although I’ll probably be bitching even more if it was my phone that broke, but damnit man I don’t want to be staring at a iPhone 24/7 to look up every little thing. It’s annoying!

I can’t even watch my movies anymore… Gahhhh!

Time for a Mac Pro!!

This week’s been crazy! With adjusting with two girls, getting my body back in the habit of waking up during the night again, family in town, visitors, and a suprise visit from Jason’s dad!! Which he hasnt seen in years.. It’s a little overwhelming at times and I’m really missing my peace and quite.

So Jason and his father reconnected communication somewhat when McKinnley was born and its been on and off since. But he texted Jason to congratulate him on Savannah and said he’ll love to visit sometime and finally meet the girls, and Jason out of politeness was like, “yea that’ll be nice” an hour later he was like, “Okay be there Friday!”…  umm, wait, what? uhh, alright. But it’s suprisingly going better than I expected. He seems like nice guy and a changed man. You could tell he really wants a relationship or get to know his granddaughters. He leaves today, so him and Jase went to lunch at Wing House, and then I think he’s coming back to the house to see them and take a few pic before hitting the road.

The mother in law left today as well, and had a few tears in her eyes on the way out. I felt bad, she didn’t want to leave McKinnley and Sav, but secretly was like Thank god another person out my house hah, that sounds bad. We’re going to miss her though, she was a big help with Kinnley. 

Now it’s just my little family and my mom, which means I’m bumming it for 2 weeks straight!

not being able to find the time for both girls, showing enough love and attention as they deserve. I know everyone says this, but it’s true! It just hits you, I’m sitting here rubbing my belly and I’m just like, Holy Shit! I’m about to have another baby… while my baby is still baby! McKinnley is the center of my world, not one thought I have doesn’t include or involve her. I love her with every fiber of my body! How do I show her that just because baby sister is here and she does need a little more attention while she’s so new, I don’t love her any less than before?… How do I show the same love for Savannah? Of course you automatically cultivate that love for the child in your womb, they’re in your body- they’re a part of you, you feel their every movement. Your heart can’t help but grow fond of your baby, but it’s not until they’re actually born and you see them that your love gets so much stronger and it’s a feeling that you can’t fully describe in words. Am I going to have that same feeling for Savannah?

Right now, Kinnley is at that stage where she is starting to get a little rebellious  trying to see what and how far she can get away with things. Starting to get testy. Entering her terrible 2, I guess we could say. It’s been a little challenging, and real test on our patience, but for the most part she’s still her goofy, happy self. She really is a good kid, and she’s so smart! 

How is it going to be seeing she’s going through this phase, plus another set of emotions and adjustments because here comes this little human that she has to share Mommy and Daddy’s time with. She knows there’s a baby in mommy’s belly, because every time I tell her or say ‘baby sister’, she lifts up my shirt a rubs my belly and gives it a kiss :). I believe she’s going to be a good big sister. I just keep hearing how, “I’m going to have my hands so full now” (which might be true) and that “McKinnley is going to get so much more clingier”, “don’t worry if she doesn’t like the baby right away”, that “her competition is coming since I’m having another girl” and so on…. Mostly from random people at stores that feel the need to put their 2 cents in on my life,  her pedi, and the competition comment was from my doctor.. Since McKinnley goes to appointments with me, he says hey to her and plays around a little bit then says, “you know your competition is in there!” while checking my belly or listening to the heart beat. Although he might of said it in a jokingly manner I’m like why does it have to be a competition?? I don’t want them to feel the need that they need to compete or one up each other..

Ughh, idk maybe I’m just hormonal and over thinking things lol but you just can’t help think about how it will be. Especially with two under two, I’m entering a whole ‘nother ball game! But I know I could handle it and my little growing family will be just fine! I really don’t know what this is..a rant..getting something off my chest…my insecurities..espressing my concerns I guess!..idk but it’s over now lol

Now I’m going to go cuddle with the babydaddy/hubs <3

Goodnight everyone!